A Modest Proposal
For Compleat Resolution of The Jewish Problem …With apologies to Jonathan Swift
By Michael Posner
ⓒGreat Untold Stories Inc.
It must induce a sense of melancholy in those who survey the roisterous promenades of our great cities to behold the sad predicament that has befallen our brethren of the Judaic faith.
This once noble people, in whose fertile gardens of imagination much has flowered, now finds itself tragically diminished, the pathetic object of abomination and loathing — yea, well nigh universal.
There is not space enow in this forum to document the many and varied roots from which this collective abhorrence has sprung.
But breathes there a man or woman not repulsed by the entity known as the state of Israel, and its legions of disciples in the Jewish diaspora ?
I must aver at once that I am not prepared to commit capital (truth be told, I have precious little to invest) to the much-repeated opinion that postulates a clandestine Jewish cabal, convened in darkened rooms, carefully manipulating the complex levers of international finance, and plotting world domination.
Although it has done nothing to enhance my popularity in the coffee house, I confess I have been so bold on occasion to declare that our economies would be markedly more robust — and the affairs of state doubtless more stable— if indeed the Jews were in control.
Nor is it my intent here to affix protest to the contentious gates of Israel’s origins, although there are many of my acquaintance intrepid enough to do so.
The Jews, I shall not scruple on this point, are indeed the indigenous people of the Holy Land, unless there resides some frail remnant of the more ancient Canaanite tribes still hidden beneath the oceanic depths.
And the fair minded, of which fraternity I pride myself a member in good standing, must also acknowledge the justice of the Hebraic ingathering that followed their immense suffering during the last great conflict between nations.
I readily concede that a great many Mussulmen, followers of the chronically offended Mahometan faith, and bearing a deep malignity, have yet to reconcile themselves to the legal presence of Jews in their midst.
Indeed, against this bitter reality, the Muslim polities have oft taken up arms, albeit never with satisfactory result. In every conflict, all of them precipitated by Arab perfidy, Israel’s militias have contrived to humiliate the combined battalions of half a dozen once-proud armies — failures that must perforce add another measure of brine to the wounds of their desert psyche.
Be that as it may, the establishment of the Judaic state per se is not the cause of my vexation. It is what Israel has become — what our Jewish brothers and sisters now represent — that gives such grievous offence, enow to roil the blood of humankind.
And what is it, you might well inquire, that Israel and its followers have become? What is it precisely that the Jews now represent?
To which I respond, with as much clarity and vigour as my poor mind and physic will allow: they have become an intolerable curse upon our conscience.
To whit…is it not intolerable that, ceded nothing but desert — a worthless, barren expanse of swamp and sand and bog and disease — the Jews have made it bloom, producing a once-unthinkable cornucopia of nature’s fruits, yea, a facsimile of paradise itself?
Lush Israeli pomegranate orchard….ex nihilo
Is it not equally intolerable that, ex nihilo, and in less than eight years, this scarred and battered residue of humanity, salvaged and brought forth from the ruins of a Great War, has conspired to construct a flourishing democracy, to build a thriving and innovative economy, and to shine a beacon of liberty — all of this while having to defend their fledgling nation from peoples dedicated to its annihilation, indeed from peoples whose entire raison d’être, is its annihilation?
They mock us with their miracles.
Is it not intolerable that, alone among the myriad civilizations that have bestrode this hallowed Earth, the Hebrew armies routinely issue advance warnings to innocent civilians who might otherwise find themselves in jeopardy?
Is it not intolerable that these same Israelite regiments — again, like no force of fighting men in all of the chronicles of human history — have accepted the burden, and fulfilled the near impossible task, of ensuring the care and feeding of an enemy population?
They mock us with their morality.
Is it not similarly intolerable that, whilst their multitudes constitute but a fraction of the planetary whole, a statistical drop in the vast bucket of humanity, these sons of Moses and daughters of Esther have nonetheless conjured achievements and accomplishments of the highest order in the sciences, the arts, indeed in every field of human endeavour — save, arguably, pig farming?
Is there a single week of any year that elapses during which some Jewish scientist or scholar or emissary of the creative arts is not recognized or celebrated for some brilliant invention, or unprecedented insight, or stunning illumination?
They mock us with their insufferable genius.
How can all of this continue to be endured? It cannot. And thus I boldly dare to table the terms of my modest proposal: let us agree to murder them.
Let us murder them all, as the Koran commands.
Let us invoke the absolutely final solution.
We must proceed down this righteous path not because the Jews are guilty of high crimes and misdemeanours, but because they are invariably blameless, and it is no longer tolerable.
We must act on behalf of all truly civilized societies not because the Jews do evil, but because they invariably do good, and it is no longer tolerable.
We must rid ourselves, once and for all, of this stiff-necked people not because they are infidels, but because they have clung tenaciously for five millennia to their trust in a living god…and that, too, we can no longer abide.
They mock us with their holiness.
Having given this proposal the sober assessment it deserves, I can think of no reasonable objections.
If it be said, it cannot be done, I demur. It can rather easily be done.
Have we all not witnessed the seething, visceral, irrational paroxysms of hatred recently on display in our fair cities, directed at our Jewish friends? A smattering of newly reborn Christians will be inclined to resist the assignment, but there will be no shortage of Mussulmen volunteers for the task.
If it be questioned, how shall they all be found, the Jew distinguished from the Christian — why, the victims themselves shall do the work for us.
By the signs on their doorposts we shall know them. By their fringes and their skull caps, we shall identify them.
If among them, there are those that elect to disguise their sincere theistic affiliations, who can doubt the efficacy of compensated informants?
And if it be asked whether, in the service of our Christian charity and grace, we might permit this Chaim or that Hannah to abjure their holy Torah, and swear fealty to The True Son of God, I answer firmly in the negative.
Our history is replete with examples of Jewish cunning and duplicity, of pretending outward Christian piety, while continuing privately to honour Judaic rituals and tradition.
Mercy, however, being our natural instinct, we would generously allow each Jacob or Sarah to elect their own sweet adieu. By pistol or sabre; by toxin or other pharmaceutic concoction, fast or slow; by fibre or flame or defenestration; by too much water or too little air.
Perhaps we might even fortify the dwindling coffers of the exchequer by organizing a contest, in which the citizenry would wager on the most popular form of death selected by the Jews. The mathematics is compelling. At even a shilling per ante, millions might be raised, of which the state would levy a novel death tax.
Finally, let me profess that I harbour no personal interest in promotion of this brave endeavour, no motive other than the transparent public good.
Our Jewish friends once dispatched, the impossible, unbearable burden on our consciences at long last lifted, will we not, simultaneously, also have significantly reduced the human population (at a rough estimate, by some fifteen million), relieved the terrible stress now exerted upon the declining resources of the planet, and eased the ceaseless competition for food, water, shelter, and the corner table at your tavern of choice?
Respectfully submitted,
I submit that Israelis go forth and prosper, leading the way and sharing their knowledge & not succumb to those who do not understand
Well said Michael! I can certainly hear the despair in your writing. I too am affected by the virulent and prolific spread of antisemitism throughout our planet including right here in my own backyard.